Stream of consciousness
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puch24
Re: Stream of consciousness
I'd rather push my Land-Rover than drive a Jeep.
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Ligo
Re: Stream of consciousness
Eee tam... Lepiej źle jechać, jak dobrze pchać. 
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puch24
Re: Stream of consciousness
To był cytat z bumper stickera, zobaczonego na LR. Stojącym w warsztacie...
Ale kiedyś jechałem Jeepem Wielkim i Szerokim, i CHOLERNIE mi się ten samochód nie podobał. Przede wszystkim, na zupełnie zwykłych zakrętach przechylał się tak, jakby miał to być jego ostatni zakręt. Bujało, jak szalupą w sztormie. Dobiły mnie napisy ostrzegawcze przy daszkach przeciwsłonecznych, że wchodzenie w zakręty ze zbyt dużą prędkością jest niebezpieczne ze względu na duży przechył pojazdu i może to doprowadzić do przewrotki. Dziękuję, postoję, wolę LR kolegi.
Ale kiedyś jechałem Jeepem Wielkim i Szerokim, i CHOLERNIE mi się ten samochód nie podobał. Przede wszystkim, na zupełnie zwykłych zakrętach przechylał się tak, jakby miał to być jego ostatni zakręt. Bujało, jak szalupą w sztormie. Dobiły mnie napisy ostrzegawcze przy daszkach przeciwsłonecznych, że wchodzenie w zakręty ze zbyt dużą prędkością jest niebezpieczne ze względu na duży przechył pojazdu i może to doprowadzić do przewrotki. Dziękuję, postoję, wolę LR kolegi.
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puch24
Re: Stream of consciousness
Land Rover jokes .
They say 90% of all Land Rovers manufactured are still on the road.
The other 10% have reached their destination.
Land Rovers are just like married women…
They moan on long journeys, embarrass you in front of friends and
you spend more money than you ever expected once you've committed
yourself to one.
Traffic cops congratulate you when they issue you a speeding ticket!
Why do Land Rovers have jerry cans and gas bottles fitted?
So that the driver can make coffee while waiting for AA road assistance.
Land Rovers have the best fuel consumption of all 4x4s.
That's because they are always being towed by other vehicles.
Why do Land Rovers always drive in convoy?
They are playing ‘Who’s The Weakest Link?’
Ever wondered why the models are called Series 90, Defender 110, etc?
Those numbers in the model name indicate their top speeds!
When you drive on a toll road, you’ll notice these yellow emergency
phones next to the road. Stop and look closer. On the phones there
are four emergency numbers listed: Police, ambulance, fire and…
Landrover Service!
Q: What do you find on page 4 and 5 of a Land Rover Owner's Manual?
A: The train & bus timetable.
Q: What is the sport version of a Land Rover?
A: When the driver wears Nike shoes.
Q: What do you call a Land Rover with brakes?
A: Customized.
Q: What do you do if your Landy gets surrounded by a swarm of killer bees?
A: Stop pushing and take refuge inside the vehicle.
Q. Why do the latest models have rear window demisters?
A. To keep your hands warm when pushing.
Land Rover dealers have a special promotion this month…
Buy one, and you get a dog for free!!
Then you don’t have to walk home alone!
They say 90% of all Land Rovers manufactured are still on the road.
The other 10% have reached their destination.
Land Rovers are just like married women…
They moan on long journeys, embarrass you in front of friends and
you spend more money than you ever expected once you've committed
yourself to one.
Traffic cops congratulate you when they issue you a speeding ticket!
Why do Land Rovers have jerry cans and gas bottles fitted?
So that the driver can make coffee while waiting for AA road assistance.
Land Rovers have the best fuel consumption of all 4x4s.
That's because they are always being towed by other vehicles.
Why do Land Rovers always drive in convoy?
They are playing ‘Who’s The Weakest Link?’
Ever wondered why the models are called Series 90, Defender 110, etc?
Those numbers in the model name indicate their top speeds!
When you drive on a toll road, you’ll notice these yellow emergency
phones next to the road. Stop and look closer. On the phones there
are four emergency numbers listed: Police, ambulance, fire and…
Landrover Service!
Q: What do you find on page 4 and 5 of a Land Rover Owner's Manual?
A: The train & bus timetable.
Q: What is the sport version of a Land Rover?
A: When the driver wears Nike shoes.
Q: What do you call a Land Rover with brakes?
A: Customized.
Q: What do you do if your Landy gets surrounded by a swarm of killer bees?
A: Stop pushing and take refuge inside the vehicle.
Q. Why do the latest models have rear window demisters?
A. To keep your hands warm when pushing.
Land Rover dealers have a special promotion this month…
Buy one, and you get a dog for free!!
Then you don’t have to walk home alone!
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puch24
Re: Stream of consciousness
Not many people know that Land Rovers attempted to market a computer. Why did they stop? They could not find a way to get it to leak oil!
A Land Rover doesn´t leak oil, it marks its territory. Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn't leak oil? The factory took it backand worked on it until it did.
Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night? They all look the same. " - "He replied, "It does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !"
The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"
Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three position Lucas switch - Dim, Flicker and Off.
The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices
Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.
"I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou..."
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.
Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
A friend of mine told everybody he never had any electric problems with his Lucas equipment. Today he lives in the countryside, in a large manor with lots of friendly servants around him an an occasional ice cold shower...
Back in the 70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.
Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators
Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars,kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting:" Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.."
* Joseph Lucas: założyciel (w 1860 roku) brytyjskiej firmy, która w 1902 roku zaczęła produkować osprzęt do samochodów, najpierw elektryczny, potem także inne komponenty (układy hydrauliczne, wtryskowe, itd.). Główny dostawca osprzętu dla brytyjskiego przemysłu motoryzacyjnego. W pewnym momencie okrył się niesławą z racji wyjątkowej zawodności wyrobów, tak, że zaczęły krążyć powyższe dowcipy. Oczywiście LR też miały urządzenia Lucasa...
Głoszono na przykład, że układy elektryczne Lucasa mają wszystkie wbudowany fabryczny dym, który w pewnym momencie się wydziela. Po wydzieleniu się dymu trzeba go uzupełnić, więc pojawiły się "zestawy do uzupełniania dymu Lucasa" - "Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness Smoke": http://www.mez.co.uk/lucas.html
A Land Rover doesn´t leak oil, it marks its territory. Did you hear about the man whose Land Rover didn't leak oil? The factory took it backand worked on it until it did.
Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night? They all look the same. " - "He replied, "It does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !"
The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim "sudden, unexpected darkness"
Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three position Lucas switch - Dim, Flicker and Off.
The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices
Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.
"I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou..."
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.
Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
A friend of mine told everybody he never had any electric problems with his Lucas equipment. Today he lives in the countryside, in a large manor with lots of friendly servants around him an an occasional ice cold shower...
Back in the 70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.
Q: Why do the British drink warm beer? A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators
Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars,kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting:" Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.."
* Joseph Lucas: założyciel (w 1860 roku) brytyjskiej firmy, która w 1902 roku zaczęła produkować osprzęt do samochodów, najpierw elektryczny, potem także inne komponenty (układy hydrauliczne, wtryskowe, itd.). Główny dostawca osprzętu dla brytyjskiego przemysłu motoryzacyjnego. W pewnym momencie okrył się niesławą z racji wyjątkowej zawodności wyrobów, tak, że zaczęły krążyć powyższe dowcipy. Oczywiście LR też miały urządzenia Lucasa...
Głoszono na przykład, że układy elektryczne Lucasa mają wszystkie wbudowany fabryczny dym, który w pewnym momencie się wydziela. Po wydzieleniu się dymu trzeba go uzupełnić, więc pojawiły się "zestawy do uzupełniania dymu Lucasa" - "Lucas Replacement Wiring Harness Smoke": http://www.mez.co.uk/lucas.html
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Owain
- Nasz Czelnik
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wpk
- wpkx
- Posty: 38958
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Owain
- Nasz Czelnik
- Posty: 14733
- Rejestracja: 11.2016
Re: Stream of consciousness
Suchar na dziś:
- Co jest rzadsze niż trojaczki?
- Cygan jedynak...
- Co jest rzadsze niż trojaczki?
- Cygan jedynak...
Sowy nie są tym, czym się wydają...
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Meliszipak
Re: Stream of consciousness
Co za moda. Był św. Mikołaj, dziadek Mróz, Gwiazdor, a teraz św. Misiu
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Owain
- Nasz Czelnik
- Posty: 14733
- Rejestracja: 11.2016
Re: Stream of consciousness
Nie zapominaj o świętym wupeku z aureolą w trójkąt.
Sowy nie są tym, czym się wydają...
